Norman Allan
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Mark just now finished the cover to Ted Allan in Spain: the      movie! I'm quite chuffed and  (believe me, it looks better as he did it, it looks fantastic I've sent (A VERSION) it back to       chapter 2. (FOR NOW THE ORIGINAL HAS DISAPPEARED...

So many stories to tell      I'm afraid I'm opening more      more stories appearing then are getting wrapped up

let me speak then of things disappearing      
though I've still stories to tell ~ there's a passed life story.      Ez is in that     in a way      and that's a long story  

~ and there's the psychic lover tale     
Jay Kay was my partner a decade    or so        talked to trees  Bless them and they bless you back     It's instant, like a mirror, an echo …      oh, and she talked to the Devil. Called Him "the Big Fellow",     "Butters His pride," she said.         
           The dog's came from Jay Kay…

End some stories! cut some threads...
Oh here's one towards closure      the first night with Jacinta      tussling and anything…      in the morning the hook of Jay's earring was snagged through the string of my mala, tumbled there in the bed. (1)     "No,no, no," I said. "Don't untangle them."

So much for ritual, pooh who            not everything's an omen


a list...        of disappearing things…

along with        kisses

     ~ the carpets and hopefully the spiders    bites.    I'm going to sleep upstair tonight, in the little room, for the first time after two months camped in the sitting room downstairs. Hopefully the lurgi is not lurking. (2)

     ~ the dogs


the beagle comes

the beagle comes

the beagle goes

the beagle goes

dry cedar

dry cedar leaf



~ oh, and I once disappeared acupuncture points… electronically, anyway. When I first meet Pomeranz… he invited me to the lab to talk, and then to join himself and Raymond Shu (3) searching for acupuncture points. They were in a faraday cage enthusiastically looking for the electrical signs of the points… (They say the points have a low electrical resisitance)      but I said show me… and went to look at the books (the journals)
     There were (mainly) two types of electrode: wet and dry. With the wet/moist electrodes resistance depends on the exact size of the contact, and you can't control that exactly. The noise with the dry probes were, yes, still the area of contact, but also (4) pressure, and the duration of the probing.
     So Bruce's best of both worlds, which we built, was a Millipore filter (5) over the end of glass tubing, with saline in the tube ("metered moisture" Bruce said grandly): (an oxide coated silver electrode in the saline) … and complex circuitry to pass and record nanoamps ….
     Test run. The skin under the nose (lip) (6) has roughly half the resistance of the cheek… and then on the cheek, on my cheek, we found points near zero (ohms). Bruce ran to get the binocular glass to visual inspect . Could this it be the illusive acupuncture point? Are we finding the Yeti or Nessy and all? No. "It's a little shaving abrasion." said Bruce, and then he cried, "An abrasion detector ! Oh. I see where to go. We should study the points after the needle comes out!" and he explained, "There's a voltage across the skin, so when we needle it and after the needle comes out, there will be a current flowing. Ah ha… it's the Zen of acupuncture! It's not the needle, it's the hole!" So we had, for the moment, disappeared the low electrical resistance reported in the literature for acupuncture points. But, Bruce had discovered/discerned a second mechanism of acupuncture's physiologically effects: the "current of injury" (7) spurs healing. (8) (9)
     I once asked Bruce how much of acupuncture he thought could be explained through the neurotransmitter mechanisms he had discovered. "Perhaps ten percent," he estimated. And through current of uinjury? "Perhaps five." And the rest? "Another of life's mysteries."

Disappearing things…

Darrell's hat.

Darrell's hat is disappearing     it's mangled shrunk,      deformed,        it just don't fit.     I wore it two years - it drew comments often      it was the perfect felt hat - neither fedora nor homburg    but something from beyond the lost arc - but the spider's got it - sort of…     as the threat of the lurgi and the devil's wicked spiders bit me to distraction   and I washed everything, everything right now!  the hat a second time - no a third, last year at the Monastery, and after this summer's second wash it was ripped and      stripped of its band        and shrunk     it didn't fit. Stacy (10) at the funeral, gave me the hat but said she wanted it back when I was finished with it, or when I was gone. I said, I will wear it to bits. She said, I want the bits.
     I couldn't find the photo of Darrell in his hat this morning. I rescued the hat from the basement (11) and photo.ed it.

     I wrote D two poems while he was alive and one in requiem. - I'm not sure how much I like them
     but Darrell did…

Darrell: one



I don't know
somebody picks on my arse
I know what the question is
I don't know the response
I'm just seeing a molehill
there are no more mountains
in the way






Darrell II.


Pick it apart for me

        I see
he's doing another one
It's on the dissection table

        D'ja see that
        D'ja see that
            he snapped

No. I missed it
I missed it completely

Darrell escaped a miserable childhood, his turbulent teens    fleeing Vancouver at 16.   Worked his way across the country as a roustabout      I think that's what you call the people who fix and tend the rides at the funfair …     Darrell was18 when he got to the Ex in Toronto. (12) He connected with Bob, and through him met us.    Were my Jessi and Seth 16, 14 ?      Darrell became virtual family    a while, and like a son and a brother thereafter…
     When I wrote my second short story, 1989,    Heroes,    about Spanish Frank -
Darrell said, later, he was a little peeved with how pleased I was with myself, so he wrote Stardust Theatre to show anyone could do it. It's in there with the page I put up for Darrell in memorium

and the posthumous poem… here or in a link?
in a link, I think, Dee

I don't remember joy
when I was a boy
but didn't the days run on

Oh, and Dee wasn't called Dee… He was Darrell, or Buck.

Dee's disappeared, though I've got someof his ashes, and there are little bits of his work, or gifts, little bits of him all over the house. The dog doors, that I've now taped in… oh, a tear for Dee and the dogs.


I should take photos of the Sitting Room, and tell the Jesus poem. In a minute...


Sunday Nov 16th 2014. Slept upstairs three nights now (in the small room) - so far so good.

Painted at the A&LC this morning





And I wrote a poem last week, and have been polishing it



who's voice is this

it's funny
             who speaks
the cockney boy's not me
             it's a memory of my teens
tithing my tongue
             to a person
and it's not me

i'm american ashkenazi
ash can nazi my dear lord
our mortal enemy 's
branded into?onto our name

and i'm tripping down some
freudian and paranoid
satanically insignificant
red herring

it's funny
             who speaks
it's never
             quite me



February, 1989. In the days following MAME's visit, as I left the Science library, where I had gone to learn of bone and crystals, emerging on to the steps leading down to the circle of grass that is the "quad" (quadrangle) of King's College Circle… there was a man in a blue blazer and cap on the lawn with two bent metal rods dowsing! (You hold the rods and wait for them to move, to cross!) Emblazed on the blazer and cap, the U of T logo. A middle aged man, Charles Braid, the University's chief engineer in charge of plumbing. "I'm dowsing for the sprinkler heads," he explained when asked. "We are going to dig them up. We're changing the system."
     So I explained to him how I had just realized that we sense these things, electric fields, in our bones. And he went on to tell me that he was going to take a map/a plan of King's College Circle home that evening and dowse with a "pendulum" for the plastic hoses. He could only dowse for the metal sprinkler heads with the rods. (Oh, I must tell you of Pomeranz thoughts on dowsing.)
And how did we seque (13) to homeopathy, robust in Biology but frail in Earth Science. "What's the bridge?" Jacinta would say. I say "tangent" but that's missing the bridge, where's that confounded bridge? …

I told Charles about MAMEs experiment, how it was robust in the old botany building, (14) but frailer in the new Earth Science Building on Huron (it took several weeks      they had to tweak the protocol before they recovered the phenomenon/ anomaly.) Charles spoke of how Taddle Creek ran underground under the botany building just eight foot down,       and how there are "electrical anomalies" in the land up on Huron Street, and innumerate for me many differences between the two locals. (15)

But let me stress that while it took the group many weeks to produce the ultradilution DNA dot blot effects in the new building, they did recover it. And, everyone in MAME's group who attempted the procedure (there were four of them) had positive results. The phenomenon never disappeared! It's simply been forgotten, ignored.

Was meeting Charles Braid another "synchronicity"? It was certainly serendipitous. But I had to hie, to hurry on to another meeting    I'd set up   with Fredrick Lowy…
     As I've mentioned, perhaps too often, I thought that the ultradilute DNA dot blots were massively important - everyone should know about them - and there were handful of people I knew who I felt should know about them… But MAME had approached us in confidence! Yet, I thought, this information has to shared! I told Bruce Pomeranz that I had an ethical conundrum and that I needed to speak to somebody smart with such stuff. He sent me to Professor Lowy. Googling him you'll find that "He served as Dean of the Faculty of Medicine from 1980 to 1987. He was the founder and first Director of the University's Centre for Bioethics."
     Prof. Lowy listened well and said that, in his opinion, the information, the ultradilute dot blots, didn't belong to AbouHaidar: it / they belonged to science, though AbouHaidar was due respect, he added.
     I sent a letter to Brian Goodwin (a theoretical biologist) (17), Dana Ullman (a high profile homeopath) and a handful of others. ..
In 1992, when Elizabeth Huston and I went to talk to Menir AbouHaidar about the work, he told me he had been pissed off… angered. So it goes.
Back in 1989, Menir, at our urging, sent his work, the dot blots, to Nature - The journal. They sat on it for months, four month. "Phone them," we said. "Yes, yes," said Nature, "We'll have it refereed." So, for now, we can add the dot blots to our list of things that have disappeared.

Oh; back to the point finder, the abrasion detector… Later we, Bruce sent me to use our skin resistance (metered moisture, no less) on "standard wounds", the healing of… can we follow the process with/as resistance? I got to watch hip and knee replacements (17), and then follow up in the hospital and at the rehab. inst.    oh, a couple of dozen patients     and it worked just fine except the wounds crack    as it were      crack open the resistance falls and these reversals are pretty frequent and pretty random    so its not useful information       let it disappear.

Oh. and I should mention that MAME's anomaly never disappeared though it almost vanishing from human consciousness      but it never failed to be found when looked for… and I still have the few dot blots Eweida gave me. They have not turned into mice and pumpkins


A short while ago I was at a New Age.y (sic) thing…. they were singing kirtan      -  "holy" Hindu songs (18) -  and one presenter had us chanting So  ham,     which she translated as "I am". And that didn't sound right., so I went first to wikipedia…



so'ham is an emphatic form of aham
, the first-person pronoun ("I")


                 aham = I                             asmi = am

              AHAM ASMI                            I       AM

and: wikisays...

"Some say that when a child is born it cries Koham-Koham which means Who am I? That is when the universe replies So'ham."


And why I mention this here is because I was so pleased with what I'd teased out of wiki      that I went and looked up Nirvana. which wiki tells us is a Seattle based grunge-rock band, of course, but Nirvana/Nibanna was effing amazing, and I want to end, to disappear this chapter with this poem I found in wiki…


Wikisays Nirvana Nibbana


Nirvana / Nibbana  literally means "blown out" like a candle

ni      out, without, away from

va     blow, as a wind; or waft as an odor

na     not, never, nor

van   desire,
love, win. procure,
possess, conquer,

van   tree, thicket, quantity, wood

and va can mean weave

gatê gatê
    gone gone

Nirvana / Nibbana

Nirvana / Nibbana 
means blown away
                                   like a candle's flame

ni      out, without, away from

va     blow, as a wind; waft odor

na     not, never, nor

van   desire,
love, grasp

van   tree, thicket, quantity, wood

and va can mean weave

gatê  gatê
  paragatê   parasamgatê    bodhi swaha

Nirvana / Nibbana

wikisays: it's literally "blown out"
like a candle

ni      out, without, away from

va     blow, as a wind

na     not, never, nor

van   desire,
love, win, gain, procure, conquer
, possess,
          grasp, clench

van   tree, thicket, quantity, wood

va      weave

gatê gatê



chapter 9                                              sources





there's metal paint, a few touches, but it turns the picture        email or phone to view...




contents and...
Chapter 1: Hamach and beyond to hints of MAME
Chapter 2: Spirit: an atheist's guide to the divine
Chapter 3: bafflement, the mind (and homeopathy)
Chapter 4: evil: the devil at large…

Chapter 5. karma?
Chapter 6: patterns...
Chapter 7: painting....      and conceits